Take it slow. 

So slow. That they take it as a joke.

Then hurry up. Speed it up. 

Make the room get crazy.

Untill we spill out all our guts. 

And scream out words that I wrote. 

 

I havnt felt this way in a while

But no matter what I do I can't find a reason to smile

Though that's all you all ever see me do

No one ever gets to see me with truth

I cover it up for you. 

So no one has to see me.

I do the things I do on the down low Like a dark shadow. 

Cause if you saw me for the mess that I am. 

You'd be dissapointed. I know. 

 

You might not even speak to me. 

You might tell me to go. 

You'd look at me like I was nothing.

But some of you already do. I already know

And you wanna know something.

 

Fuckit

Have a listen while I unload. 

And tell you.

Every fuckin reason why I fuck up my brain.

I hurt inside. 

Both physically and mentally.

 

Theres always so much pain

 

The physicall I handle well. 

Growing older gracefully.

 

The emotional pain I burry with 

these drugs that erase my mind

And hopefully one day ill take enough 

to get her out of mine

 

 

And another thing. 

Besides the fact that it helps to ease the pain. 

It genuinly makes me feel better 

and helps me face the day. 

It all makes me believe that everything will be ok. 

 

When I'm not sober I smile more. 

When I'm faded its a beautiful day. 

 

But when there's sobriety everything lacks variety. 

And nothing inspires me. 

I walk around retardedly like walmart hired me

 

I hate myself and am reminded of my failures 

I am soo hard on me so you don¡¯t need to be

as if I could forget.

 

Every second that I live i feel like saying this is it

seems like i¡¯m just waisted breath to you.

Ive tried every last thing I could think of to do

But its never gonna be enough

And i don¡¯t see either of us calling a truce

 

See I'm still holding on to the idea

That maybe

just maybe 

you didn't give up

That secretly you have hope in me

And your just waiting for me to get up

 

Wishin i¡¯d at least start trying to play catch up

I wonder if you pray at night for me to just be free

 

More likely though you don't. 

You gave up on me just like you said u would 

and i¡¯m left with what the fuck

 

Your not gonna invest any more hope and your dreams you took away from me

Said your goodbye and told me that this is how it had to be. 

As you can see it wasn't easy didn't think that we'd stop speaking 

didnt think you'd fall for him. clearly

Guess I just wasn't worth you seeing clearly

 

Any more you turn a blind eye near me

In your mind i died.

So I tried in real life.(really)

 

Couldn't ever do it though.

This you already know.

But what you didn't know.

Was how far I was willing to go.

To try and let you go.

 

I tried to let you know.

Hoped that what i was doing doin would get back to you

But did it. Hell no

 

But look at what you gave to me

Self control

And what your words could do.

But remember you reap what you sow

so